The bible says that God does not give us more than we can handle. It also says that He will make an escape for you. I was told that living the Christian life isn’t easy…nope it’s not. I know I am not the only one who stuggles with wanting to know the outcome of a tough unexpected situation. I’ve been like that my whole life and why you ask? I don’t know! You would think by now that I would have figured out that if I was to know the answer then God would have given it. I can’t lie and say He hasn’t at times because He has but sometimes it’s hard to swallow. I don’t like to walk through life blindly I like to know my surroundings but let’s be real even when you think your prepared something comes from left field and hits hard. Sometimes life can get you down to a point where you think man I am never going to make it through this but if you look back your success rate is 100 because guess what you are still standing even when you didn’t think you could. I know the situation I am in will not destroy me….does it hurt like hell….of course. Even though I have been upset with God and the situation He somehow finds a way to almost say “Hey Erin you have a few more punches in you” 9 times out of 10 I do not feel that way. What does it matter what I feel? Emotions come and go and if you are not careful you will find yourself stuck…I know because I am on the coaster of hell. If i could go back and tell my younger self something I would tell her you don’t need to be perfect…you don’t need to be anything but you..no matter what always beleive in yourself even if no one else does. That it is not selfish to put yourself first sometimes. I prayed for God to give me an escape and sometimes your escape is just realizing that you don’t have to accept everything that comes your way. Some things you can’t avoid and in those moments instead of getting dragged down..stop, look and listen because those are the most teachable moments. I say this to say sometimes we don’t always get what we want most times we will not be prepared for what life throws at us. One thing we can count on is that God knows what He is doing He does not fail. I am 100% guilty for trying to to interfere with what God is trying to do and I was reminded today its makes things worse. Trying to search for answers outside of Him is dangerous. God knows what will happen on each given day we may not understand it but remember this did not catch Him by suprise. I haven’t been as faithful in my time with Him so I can’t be upset at the silence. Not every situation we go through is because of God sometimes it stems from our own stubborness of wanting control.

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First Writing

Healing

They say that time heals all wounds. I am not sure I agree. How does one move forward when that wound keeps opening. At what time does one say okay a band aid is not fixing this. Then you try all these other methods to help heal that wound only to find out in the end now you made it worse and now instead of a surface cut it is now infected to the core. I am an emotional fix it person. When something comes up I immediately try to find a way to fix it. Growing up I had to find ways on my own to fix problems whether it was for me or someone that needed me it has become my nature. As I got older and problems got bigger I found that some things are just out of your league. I never really realized up until now that having a answer for everything is impossible. I never realized until now how much I really have trapped inside of me. I mean yea its coming out bit by bit these past few months. Situations from childhood resurfacing feelings from my childhood coming back a whole bunch of things. Things I put a band aid on thinking that eventually it would go away when in fact its been infected this whole time. But maybe that is when healing begins when you get in to the core of the infection and dig it all out. My Nana use to always tell me that people wont always be around but God will always be there. I know she is right but I have been having a hard time talking to Him lately. I am not mad at the goings on sad yes. I wonder to myself at times if He is using this to humble me to show me that you can run and do all these things as a band aid but I am the antibiotic cream to get rid of these infections. I don’t think you can become who your truly meant to be until you deal and heal the wounds. I know for myself I am always looking for this miraculous thing to feel different. With my emotions all over the place I’m not really sure what feeling I am chasing after. Is it contentment is it overall happiness? What does it feel like to be healed? Maybe it’s not a feeling at all maybe its just a act. A act of faith…the bible says that God responds to faith even the size of a mustard seed. I also feel that in order to be healed you need to have truth…truth with yourself, truth with God and truth in your situations. Maybe in hindsight we are being healed when God turns our terrible situations in to good but we can’t see that because we are stuck on looking for a feeling. Healing could be happening at this very moment you may not have a mystical experience you may not feel any physical sensation or even be aware its happening you just have to relax, let go and just know its being done. You don’t need to question, seek or reason the ways.. God will open them up to you at the right moment the right time. He is always at work healing you with His love. We need to declare it over our lives even when we don’t feel it by doing so we are preparing ourselves to receive. Even if its a little sign of progress sit back and know that He is working trust that in every moment and in every detail of our life He is there helping you and guiding you to your healing. There is no need to put a band aid over things that cause you trouble or cut you deep what I am learning is that you need to face things head on speak up when you need to. Most importantly talk to God about it most times I don’t do this because why talk when He already sees and knows what is going on. Yes He knows but He wants to hear from you your hurts your fears I believe its showing that you trust Him because lets face it you can’t trust everyone with your vulnerable side but you are also speaking truth and He can work with that. Most times things will not go the way you think they should I know this all too well but I think that what He is trying to teach me is to be still know that He is God and that I am not He knows the grander scheme of things don’t get stuck in the glimpse that I am seeing rest and know that He is working it all out on my behalf because He just loves us that much!

What’s it all about

I am new to the bloggers world. I have always used writing as an outlet for what I am feeling inside but could never express by mouth but haven’t shared publicly up until now. My name is Erin I am married with four beautiful children. I am a young Christian that is just trying to figure out this thing we call life. I had this idea to to start this blog in hopes that maybe just one of my stories or posts could help other young Christians in their journey. We all stumble we all fall short and in those times we convince ourselves that we are failures. Truth is I still feel that way sometimes but I wanted to let others know that they are not alone in their journey!